Too Much, Too Little, Too Late
Have you ever felt trapped in a dead end relationship? Has the romance faded so much over time that you don’t see how to get it back? Are there just too many burned bridges for you to go back to the happiness you once shared? Can you identify with every lyric of the 1978 hit song by Johnny Mathis and Deniece Williams? I’ve been there. Many of my clients and friends have as well. The question is how do we get there over time and better yet, how do we recognize the path we are on to avoid the final destination.
Let’s start with Too Much. Unfortunately, many of us spend too much time getting relationship advice from bitter people. You know who I’m talking about. This is the person in your life that has consistently failed at relationships or has remained in a toxic relationship for years. They love telling you what you need to do to avoid getting hurt and taken advantage of, but you have never seen them take their own advice. These people are in your family, in your church, on your job, at your kids sporting events and now, thanks to on-demand cable television and the internet, they are available 24/7.
Connect with other loving, spiritually-centered couples. Look for older, long-term couples to serve as mentors for you and your spouse. Keep in mind, every couple has problems. The key is finding couples that have found positive and productive ways to solve their problems together.
Too Little is always controversial. Relationships suffer when we give too little of our time and attention to ourselves and our relationships. The best moms typically get lost in their children and all of their activities that they are too exhausted for a bubble bath or quiet time with their spouse and date nights just don’t exist. Men tend to get so consumed in work trying to provide for the family that we give too little attention to our wives. When men do have free time, it is spent on the golf course or pursuing a hobby that doesn’t include our spouse.
Focus on quality time spent. Schedule weekly date nights with your spouse and preferably not just going to the movies. You need to find opportunities to look in each other’s eyes and talk about things other than your children, bills and your crazy families. Use the time to share your dreams about your future as you once did when you were dating. In fact, you should treat every date night as if you have only been dating for a month. This could increase the compliments, flirting and affection which we all enjoyed early in the relationship and tend to miss the most over the years as they fade away.
Lastly, it’s never too late to try again. Sure there may be challenges in communication or emotional scars from arguments that went too far with words that were spoken. However, I believe that you can heal, forgive and rediscover the person that you once fell in love with and ultimately dedicated your life to until death do you part.
Never give up, because it’s not too late to try again. Stop allowing bitter people to define your relationship and how you handle the challenges that come your way. If you focus your time and energy on yourself so that you can find your happy again, people around you will feel better about themselves and treat you better as a result of your energy. Exhaust every measure to find happiness again, including relationship coaches and counselors, to make sure that you find the spark and encouragement you need to keep fighting for your relationship.
To find out how to redefine and rediscover your relationship, visit www.Journey2Forgiveness.com and join the Journey 2 Forgiveness.