Does he pass the relationship test?
In the honeymoon phase of relationships, things are perfect. People are typically on their best behavior. They say and do all the right things. They are attentive, passionate and sensitive to your needs. Then, they change. The newness and excitement wears off. You finally find out who they really are. This person has tricked you and stolen your heart. You are all in at this point so you want to make it work, but deep inside you know that it won’t. How did you not see this coming?
Pay attention to the focus of his conversations to uncover hidden financial issues. As a relationship coach, I’m often asked for my opinion specifically on a guy’s motives, thoughts, words and actions. In addition to the obvious differences in how we approach communication and express our feelings, there are common challenges that surface in the first 90 days of a relationship. If you pay attention to the signs, you will quickly see whether or not this is the guy that you will want to sit on the porch with drinking lemonade and holding hands when you’re 80 years old.
Assess the relationship with his mother. Recently, I was in a deep discussion about relationships with my good friend, Dana Simone, author of “What’s in Your 24?” It was the week before Valentine’s Day and I was telling her about recent conversations with women expressing their frustration and depression with their current relationships or relationship status. The holiday was approaching and the loving couple ads were flooding all media outlets intensifying the relationship struggles these women were fighting.
Look him up in the sex predator/domestic violence database. Dana began to tell me that she has a 90 Day Exploratory Phase when it comes to relationships. During this time, she does her due diligence to make sure that the man she is dating is legit relationship material before she gets too involved or overly connected and committed. I thought I would share her process for pre-screening men in the first 90 days of the relationship so that it will spark a conversation and help others that consistently get involved with the wrong people.
Dana’s 90 Day Exploratory Phase
- Evaluate his job stability
- Assess the intensity of any baby momma drama
- Find out about all of his offsprings
- Run a background check
As you can see, Dana is thorough in her due diligence, but is she doing too much? Do you think she is going overboard or do you think this is a good practice for single women to adopt? Do you believe that more people should implement a more rigorous process to get a better understanding of who they are getting involved with before they share themselves, their time, their bodies, their families and a portion if not all of their futures?
Post your comments and questions. Dana will give more details in the chat.