I hear you
Men just don’t listen when Women just want to be heard. Men generally want to fix the problem when Women just want them to listen. Men hurt women with their words and Women never forget.
So much is said about the challenges men and women have communicating with each other. There are countless books and articles written on the subject. We all want to know how to more effectively communicate our feelings with our significant others, so we absorb everything we can on the subject.
As any good student would do, we take all of this new knowledge and phraseology with us into the next difficult conversation we have with the person we love only to leave hurt, frustrated and disappointed that it didn’t go as smoothly as the book described it would. Then we can’t sleep that night analyzing the entire conversation trying to figure out what went wrong. Why didn’t they respond the way they should have based on the communications strategies we implemented? That’s when we realize that we need to do more research to determine how to better get our point across the next time there’s a disagreement. When the next time comes around, we still leave feeling hurt, frustrated and disappointed and this happens over and over again no matter how many books and articles on communication we read.
Here’s the problem. I don’t think men and women have an issue communicating. We have an issue listening.
Men and women have a tendency to listen with ears from their past. What does this mean? If you hurt me with your words, I believe everything you say is going to hurt. If I share my innermost feelings with you and you treat me as if my feelings don’t matter, then I’m going to forever be guarded when it comes to sharing my feelings with you. If you only focus on solving the problem but never say I’m sorry, it will always be difficult for me to believe that you are truly sorry for how you made me feel.
The fact is, you could have developed your listening ears from previous relationships and your new love doesn’t stand a chance getting you to change your opinion. Now tell me, is that fair? Do you think that will lead to a productive relationship?
Next time you are in a difficult conversation with the person you love, pay attention to the ears you are using. Listen with your heart. Listen with compassion. Listen with forgiveness in mind. Remember that communication in relationships is more about what is felt and not being said.
To find out how forgiveness can set you free to have healthy relationships, visit http://www.unconditionalforgiveness.com/ to get the tools you need to forgive others. For more blogs like this, visit http://www.sedriksays.com/. To join the Journey 2 Forgiveness visit http://www.journey2forgiveness.com/.