Two Words ALL Men Hate - I'm Fine
When a man asks his wife or girlfriend, “Honey what’s wrong with you?”, he already knows something is wrong. So women, why do you say “I’m fine” when we both know that’s not true?
As men, we want peace and harmony in our home and we are willing to do whatever it takes to fix things to make that peace a reality. When we sense a change in our wife’s demeanor or responses, we know immediately there’s something wrong. Truth is, we really want to know what’s wrong to make sure that we didn’t create or cause this problem.
No matter how we ask, the answer is still “I’m fine… I promise, I’m fine”. Most men give up realizing this is a battle that can turn ugly quick. Unfortunately for some men, myself included early in my marriage, we keep pushing the issue because we don’t want to see the women we love in a funk. Then it happens! We piss her off for asking too much AND we are now angry because we feel that she is not being honest and authentic with us. This fight can then last for hours, day, weeks, months and even years all because she was “fine”.
Tip to Men: When you get those two words we hate “I’m fine” when you know the temperature has changed dramatically, just try to be supportive and assume that it’s not about you THIS time. Your partner may be dealing with family issues, frustration with the kids, work challenges, health problems or a variety of self-esteem related challenges that even the strongest, most attractive, sophisticated woman goes through.
Give her time. She will let you into her world and allow you to protect and provide for her as you are programmed to do. I know it’s not easy, but I promise that if you ask twice and get the same answer, “I’m fine”, you are much better off giving her a loving embrace and telling her that you love her and will be there for her if and when she needs you. Good luck!
Tip to Women: Your man loves you and wants to protect you. His curiosity is simply out of concern for you. When you know that you are not feeling right but can’t explain why, just say that to him. This removes his insecurities about the situation and he can then focus on uplifting you instead of worried that he did something AGAIN to hurt or upset you. Allow him to hold you and remind you that it will be “fine” because he’s in your life.
Now, if in fact, he messed up… Please tell him as soon as you gather your thoughts. Men are usually open to feedback if it means it will improve peace in the home. Remember that we can’t read your mind and we are terrible at inferring the real meaning behind what you are not saying. Keep it short and simple. Plain. Black and white. Approach him as you would answering questions from a six year old with one exception… men will not ask clarifying questions so explain yourself with specific examples so that he can then apply the feedback to this issue and hopefully future decisions
Next time, you want to say “I’m fine” think of the last big argument you had and see if it started with you being “fine” and ended up with him disconnecting from frustration or pissing you off for asking you fifty times if you’re ok.
Communication is a challenge that we all struggle with, but we can all learn by listening intently, observing the little things and being open to personal growth.